I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
