You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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