Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
