I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's blow job season.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
