I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
