And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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