So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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