i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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