If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
