If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow