No, drunk sperm still make babies.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.