I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night