There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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