Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
