I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
