thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize