The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
