I faked an abortion last night.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.