ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.