Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm like, not good at living.
We need to get me chipped asap