We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....