Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
