M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
