the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
