Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
