I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
