omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i think i just lost a toe
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
