I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize