Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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