you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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