a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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