Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
