Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize