Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize