I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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