So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
