that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
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I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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