I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
