Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
