My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
