He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
