Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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