I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
