if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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