Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you traded sex for a burrito?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
