Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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