Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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