dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
