its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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