Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
