i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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