cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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