what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
