I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize