Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
