Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
